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In Time

That mischievous red-head...he knows my heart. He tromps in on a December noon...hands me a brown paper bag and tells me to peek inside. He's gotten me something. Paper whites - six of them. Well, at the moment they're just bulbs but soon they will grow into those gorgeous blooms. He knows I love to grow seeing the earthy roots dangle having a sprinkle of life in the midst of winter. I walk to the kitchen. Pull the vessel from above and force the delicate roots into a stony foundation. I fill it with water, just enough for the roots thirst to be quenched, and place them next to a window but days later - nothing.  A few more days go by - still nothing. Upon inspection the bulbs had molded.  "Throw them out. They're useless now." He says in a frustrated tone. Everything seems hurried to this young man.  He gets it from me.  But age, and time, and heartache, teaches patience.  I wait.  Maybe all they need is a bit of time? Perhaps a
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Buying this farm has been an adventure...a long awaited dream come true...we've been given our hearts desire...and I don't take it for granted. Everyday I wake thankful for what God has given us, but it requires a ton of work and most nights I fall in a heap of exhaustion from it all. In our 25 years of marriage we've called four places home. When we got married we lived in my grandparents basement for exactly five months. Dreaming of a place of our own, I brought my man to a 1890's farmhouse. It had charm galore. A beautiful front porch with columns, moldings, attic rooms, a winding staircase to the second floor, claw foot tub, root cellar, floor to ceiling windows, and of course a horse stable. I was in love! It was perfect. Except - it was trashed! My man took 2 steps up that winding staircase and his foot went right through. That claw foot tub was about to crash through the kitchen ceiling. The electrical was in conduit on the outside of the walls. "Why ar


 Most days I love the life we've chosen and I am abundantly grateful for all God has given us. But there are moments I detest. Last week was one of those times. We left to run some errands one afternoon and when we got home our favorite ewe was down. We worked vigorously to save her, but she didn't make it. Knowing she was going to lamb any day we turned our attention to try to save her babies. I did a C-section and pulled out two perfectly formed, adorable, lifeless lambs. We tried to revive them - to no avail. In these moments you face your own mortality and remember how sacred life is. I scrambled for words to explain to little ones why we were soaked in blood, while lifeless lambs lay in the tub, and Betty laid dead in the barn. It's a time of sadness, reflection, and it humbles. I should have checked on her more often. If we had been home and gone out to the barn sooner maybe we could have helped her in time? Questions spin: If I had only...more knowledge...done better

Invisible Enemy

It pushes it's way down the path, arousing leaves from their autumn slumber. Dancing it's way through the hanging chimes the music grows louder. With each passing moment it's power intensifies. Lying in bed I listen to it's howling...beating against the barn door...looking for it's's way in. I don't always think of it's existence although it surrounds me daily. Most of the time it's quiet. It's affects invisible. Something to just breath in...breath in without any thought. Sometimes it comes as a gentle welcomed breeze in the midst of July heat or the crisp coolness on an autumn eve, but in the midst of a storm the wind can not be denied. With violence it beats it's way through destroying anything in it's path. Like our enemy.   The enemy of our soul.  All to often I forget he's there.   Most of the time he's quiet, subtle, clever. At times I welcome his presence. Not intentionally of course - but if I'm hone

No Longer Children

Written a few years ago. I've been a mom for almost 24 years now. No one told me the hardest part would be when my children grew up. I remember the sleepless nights of crying babes, the never-ending poop and laundry, the chaotic days of having 4 little ones underfoot. I remember the guilt that I wasn't doing anything right or enough. The moments behind the locked bathroom door with faucet running so no one would hear my sobs.  I remember... The season I find myself in now is strange. With two grown children already gone, two more on the way out the door, a pre-teen, preschooler, and toddler, I now have a different perspective than I did so long ago. Now, when I scoop up those precious little ones my heart aches a bit in knowing the hard part is yet to come. I stand at the sink washing dinner dishes when he hugs me - towers over me. That little boy I used to wrap in my arms now wraps me in his man-sized frame. It's been this way for years, but I never get used to it.

Natural Bakers

These two are precious! Although, I must admit I much prefer her hands in bread dough rather than her being covered from head to toe in Karo syrup. When you hear two young children laughing their heads off - run because they’re into something! Lazy dogs waiting for some crumbs. Until the n... Jessie


When your belly should be swelling with excitement...but your babies lay under blankets of snow. When mothers should be mothers...but you’ve been orphaned for as long as you can remember. When children are torn from family - nothing more than collateral damage. When a loved one sits in a PSYCH Ward - they decided it was all too much. When another you love more than anything won't step off the path of self-destruction. When your child’s heart breaks your own in a way you never imagined. When a "friend” hugs you for all to see, but has taken every opportunity to stab you in the back to climb the ladder of position. When one who doesn’t know you at all, speaks of who you are and who you’re not - despite how wrong they are, you’ll forever be trapped in the box of their perceptions. When you go to get the dogs...only to find your favorite one has died. When in the middle of it all, you’re supposed to make Christmas for your favorite 2 days. When y