Rise and Swine

 I was seven when I stepped foot into the Tel Aviv Airport accompanied by my stepdad - a Palestinian. The Israeli soldiers stood armed as they ripped through each of our suitcases, pulled my dad into a room for questioning, and detained us for several hours. We were not there as tourists. We were on our way to Jericho to visit family... but we were the enemy. Even at seven the hatred between all was undeniable. As a child I did not comprehend fully but I remember...fear. Walking the roads of that country for a month is an experience I will never forget. I remember once being at a family member's home while they argued over who was right, the Jews or Palestinians. I remember the tears, the anger, and shouting. I can't recall most of the words spoken that day. I don't know whose argument was stronger. What I do know is...what the Bible says about God's chosen people, and that in war... no one wins...even when it is necessary there is always suffering for both sides. The J...

When your belly should be swelling with excitement...but your babies lay under blankets of snow. When mothers should be mothers...but you’ve been orphaned for as long as you can remember. When children are torn from family - nothing more than collateral damage. When a loved one sits in a PSYCH Ward - they decided it was all too much. When another you love more than anything won't step off the path of self-destruction. When your child’s heart breaks...it breaks your own in a way you never imagined. When a "friend” hugs you for all to see, but has taken every opportunity to stab you in the back to climb the ladder of position. When one who doesn’t know you at all, speaks of who you are and who you’re not - despite how wrong they are, you’ll forever be trapped in the box of their perceptions. When you go to get the dogs...only to find your favorite one has died. When in the middle of it all, you’re supposed to make Christmas for your favorite people...in 2 days. When y...

When your baby is curled under the barren tree and your soul resembles that tree more than you would like to admit...too many needing...wanting...there's nothing left to give...It becomes easy to drown in the darkness. When it's Christmas Eve and the house is a mess, there's still shopping left to do, Christmas dinner to prepare, and Gingerbread Men to bake with that chubby little boy who's growing too fast. It's easy to buzz right through the days - through Christmas - and miss everything. But when I slow down I hear it: His love and blessings for me Bedtime tickles The way she pulls me close and smothers my face with tiny kisses Fairies on pj's... and all the small ways He answered my prayers and brought her close this season Glass birds Hugs from that tall one Knowing he is right behind me...always The clanging of dishes late in the night - even though he worked all day he's doing the dishes for me at midnight Truck rides and coffee runs...ho...

Overcast. The air hangs crisp. Leaves dance beyond the pane - still summer green yet they play peek-a-boo with a hint of caramel and crimson. Autumn is upon us ushering in plump pumpkins, spiced cider, scarves, boots, woolen blankets and those brilliantly colored leaves that will soon crunch under foot. It's my favorite time of year but in my corner of the world it doesn't last long. Before I blink, the trees will stretch forth their barren limbs as white blankets the earth, and I will hibernate as much as possible. Enjoying the peaceful white from my comfortably heated home - coffee in hand. Knowing this, I always do some fall cleaning. Just like spring cleaning opens it all to new and fresh I prepare for the confinement of the dreary months ahead. I wash the windows knowing they will soon be dirty again but I want to enjoy the glistening of a winter wonderland for as long as I can. Funny how distorted our view becomes when we're looking through layers of grime. It...

My heart aches for the one wandering...lost for years now. So I sit in the quiet in this season of miracles praying for just that - a miracle.   My sweet girl nestled in the crook of my arm yet nothing feels right. Happy?  Joyful?  That's not what I feel.  I press my nose against hers and breathe in all that she is.  Her warm breath saturated with the aroma of soured milk brushes my nostrils and I hold on a little tighter.  These moments slip away so quickly...I want to remember this. Kai climbs into the open space of my lap...sweeps my hair back and wipes the fallen tears from my face. While "O Little Town of Bethlehem" sings from across the room and Chaela spreads a smile filled with joy. Though tears fall, I can't help but smile too.  I'm reminded that sometimes the miracle is right in front of me.  Not every season of life is easy.  Jesus never promised it would be but he did promise to always be with us and with Him we can alw...

In the eye of a storm, we sit, curled beside the twinkling of the Christmas tree.  Caressing her threads of scarlet...outlining each petite curve of that face in hopes of carving it into my memory...my finger sweeps over her silky smooth complexion as I watch her sleep. She looks like a porcelain doll cradled against my chest.  Her breath stills my heart while gratefulness leaks quietly down.  I hoped for this one. Begged for this one, long before she was ever conceived.  I know I don't deserve her - or any of the seven.  Yet right in the middle of fragmented hearts, tattered dreams, weariness, lost loved ones,  messy families, terrorism, shootings, a world gone mad. In the midst of it all is the face of a babe. Hope. Darkness visits us all.  It attempts to steal our joy, snuff out what God has planned but light always overcomes. I remember the nights spent at my uncles ranch.  Over four hundred acres in the middle of absolutely nowhere....

I tiptoe across the wooden planks hoping the creaks won't wake him.  The house sits still.  This is where I find peace.  Here in the solitude...in this sharp black my mind slows and the chaos finds it's place.  This is when I usually write, but tonight I have nothing.  So I sit.  Still.  It doesn't come easy for me.  Vulnerable.  Exposed - is how it makes me feel.  I don't know why God has woken me.  I reminisce about the miracle of that one who sleeps curled within his crib.  The one I tried not to wake on my quest to this quiet place.  The one who makes me roar with laughter.  The one who healed wounds I didn't know existed. Then I think of the one I lost a few months ago. I hang the letters of their name on the wall. Hope. I don't want to forget their life. Even if it was short. Waiting is not something I do well.  Yet, I find myself in the season of waiting.  Advent.  The first ...

It's here...the New Year.  Our past lies in the shadows of yesterday and our future lies before us unfolding each new moment.  It's the time for new beginnings...a fresh start...a clean slate.  For most, this thought brings relief, but for some it brings fear.  Fear that this year will slip away as quickly as the last...that moments will fade into memories...people that are dear will be no more...intentions will never become actions and dreams...well... they will remain as nothing more than a dream.  As the Christmas season approached this is where I found myself.  My heart was weary and fearful.  The last few years have been a desert filled with pain, disappointment, loss and loneliness.  Many times I've struggled to trust God, to be grateful for these things, these things that wound so deeply.  Sometimes my prayers have felt as though they bounce off the ceiling and no matter how much I beg or scream He doesn't hear me.  I've been...

Christmas would have no meaning...without Easter WISHING YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Until then... Jessie 

Almost 14 years have passed, but the calendar is still marked for today - his birthday.  I was twenty-one when the angels took him.  It's been more than a decade, yet that moment of time seems frozen.  Pain that is healed, pain that is raw reside together within my heart; memories that seem like yesterday and memories that seem a lifetime ago.  Still every year, there on my calendar, marks the day of his birth.  His birth, his life, is what I celebrate.  Born in the season of miracles, yet his death taught me great lessons that I don't want to forget. His title: Grandfather.  However, the empty room he filled was the one reserved for my daddy.  From the very moment of my being we were inseparable.  He was my constant.  My security.  My protector.  My world.  I was his joy.  The apple of his eye.  His life.  Never did I doubt his love for me.  Never did I doubt his love for Jesus or othe...

On a snowy December eve, we journey across town, me and this firstborn of mine. We climb the steep stone of this church stamped 1912.  Once inside, the view is breathtaking.  Hand-carved mahogany pews line the sides.  Flashing headlights dance through the panes of arched stained glass.  Hand-formed faces pier down at me, from atop the mighty columns.  In awe of the architectural beauty that surrounds, I can't help but wonder how many prints have touched this stone?  The memories these walls contain...memories of joy and laughter...pain and sorrow...moments when hearts were touched by the divine...and moments when humanity fell upon their faces in light of Him. A college paper is the reason we've come.  My son, frantically taking notes.  I hear it - Heaven speaking.  Quickly whisking the notepad from his lap, I scribble out this post.  A reserved Greek woman steps upon the platform.  Her stature small, yet she co...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!! And may all of you have a very Merry Christmas!!!

I've made the same mistake before Too many malls, too many stores December traffic  Christmas rush It breaks me till I push and shove Children are crying While mother's are trying To photograph Santa and sleigh The shopping and buying and standing forever in line What can I say? I need a silent night A holy night To hear an angel voice Through the chaos and the noise I need a midnight clear A little peace right here To end this crazy day With a silent night December comes, then disappears Faster and faster every year  Did my own mother keep this pace Or was the world a different place? Where people stayed home wishing for snow  Watching three channels on their TV Look at us now rushin' around Tryin' to buy Christmas peace I need a silent night A holy night To hear an angel voice Through the chaos and the noise I need a midnight clear A little peace right here To end this crazy day With a silent night What was it like back the...

Welcome back!   I hope y'all are having a blast preparing for Christmas.  It can be hard work to get everything done.  Exhausting in fact.  I'm sure you've earned some relaxation time.  So, grab something warm to drink, prop up your feet for a moment and enjoy some time for yourself.  I hope you'll be inspired by what I've done and be challenged to unleash your imagination too. Jessie's Christmas Tour Part II Guests are greeted by an antique sled adorned with boughs and an adorable coat that my sons wore as toddlers. In years past, I've decorated in an elegant fashion.  I love the grandeur and opulence.  However, this year I decided to go with a more down home natural look and I absolutely love it! A simple way to display Christmas cards.   My mother gave me this nativity a few years ago.  It was handed down from my great aunt.   I miss her SO much.  Pulling this out each year makes me fe...

It's official!  The Christmas season is in full swing at my house!  I am thrilled!  I've been bustin' at the seams to let my creative juices flow and sprinkle some cheer into every nook and cranny of my home.  My passionate desire actually started the week before Thanksgiving, but we have a rule in our home...we make sure to stop and enjoy each  season and holiday (without giving into the temptation to get ahead of ourselves).  However, after the Thanksgiving feast is complete the Christmas decor is pulled from the attic and a way we go.  It makes my heart happy! My home has been finished for a bit now but I haven't had the time to show you what I've done.  I've been busy with parties, shopping and so forth...I like to plan all those events the first few weeks of December and leave the last couple of weeks to spend with family/friends. Come on in for the first part of Jessie's Christmas Tour     At our hou...

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, FA la la la la, la la la la seems to be the chosen  Christmas song of  my sassy five year old.  Over and over...from the moment her tiny feet hit the floor in the morning... until she is snug in her bed...I love to hear her sweet voice sing with joy!  And I must admit, her passion for Christmas does come from me.  LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE this time of year!  Autumn is my favorite season, but Christmas is most definitely my favorite holiday.  I drive my family to the brink of insanity!  In fact, I have been banned from playing Christmas music until Fall has officially arrived.  I have been known to commence holiday cheer in mid June.  My husband and children were less than enthusiastic about my gleeful spirit.  But I can't imagine why?     Christmas is the best!    Anyway, I th...