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Not My Heart!

Humbled again...  You would think that after all the foolishness I've fallen into... after all the sin Jesus has lifted me out of I would never have a self righteous condemning heart.  Wrong!  All too often I find myself on my face asking once again for His forgiveness as well as the forgiveness of others.  I don't want to be judgemental.  I don't want to be self righteous.  I'm well aware of where I've been and what Jesus rescued me from.  Still.  There it sits in my heart.  And when the right amount of pressure is squeezing me, it oozes out with force.  Ugly.  I wish I could take back all the times I've messed up.  Take away all the hurt I have caused others.  I can't. 

Most of the time I am just one BIG mess trying to love God, and do what is right.  Failing more times than I would ever like to admit.  Today, I was reminded of the ugliness in my heart that God needs to dig out, and I need to let Him.  However painful it may be.

Some of you may be thinking "Well it's not all my fault.  They did so and so."  That may be true.  Many times it is true.  But that doesn't matter.  I can't change anyone else.  Neither can you.  I'm not accountable for anyone else.  There is no point in rehearsing what others may have done or failed to do.  I just need to leave them to God.  But if I want to be free than I have to deal with the sin in my own heart.

I'm SO grateful that Jesus grants me forgiveness, mercy, love, and grace.  I don't deserve any of it!  Yet when He looks at me...when He looks at you... He doesn't see a mess.  He sees His beautiful child.  How?  That's still a mystery to me...


Until then...
Jessie
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