As I exited the door my heart was pierced with their animosity. Hatred and poison spewed from their lips. Murderer! Whore! Baby killer! You'll rot in Hell for what you did! Over and over... The savage mob encircled me with no escape. Screaming just a breath away from my face. Shoving with such force I was almost knocked to the ground. They spat in my hair. Humiliated. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I pushed through the violence. Once inside my car I began to weep.
Even in the present their vile words reel through my mind. Beads of sweat began to form in my tightly clinched fists. Squirming in my chair... biting my lower lip as an attempt to hold it together. Peering above the Pastor's head as though I was looking at him... knowing if I did I would burst into tears. That was my experience at church this past Sunday. To my relief the Pastor spoke words of love, life and truth NOT condemnation. Healing and refreshing. It was the uninvited memories that had my heart pounding within my chest. Memories that are still very much alive. Memories I do not want to participate in. They were better left forgotten. Yet, here they are... I knew God was telling me to share my story.
I was 16 (just a month shy from my 17th birthday) when I became pregnant. Wanting to confirm that I was expecting I made the trip to Planned Parenthood. I was not there for an abortion. I sat in silence. Terrified. Confused. Alone. Waiting for the test result. The pregnancy was confirmed. In an instant everything changed. My mind began to spin out of control. Within seconds I was pulled into an extremely hot, cramped, dark room where I was "counseled" for what felt like forever. They insisted that having a baby would ruin my life, destroy any chance of happiness, steal my dreams and I would have nothing but a life of poverty. With a sense of urgency they repeatedly tried to sway me. All the while continuing to express how it wasn't a living being -- just a lump of tissue (I was 12 weeks along). I had grown up being taught that abortion was wrong. It was a baby. My baby. Despite their efforts they did not succeed in convincing me to rid myself of this "bothersome inconvenience" as they called it. No. I chose to give my baby a chance. I'm so grateful that God gave me the strength and wisdom to make that choice. On my own...without God and the teaching I had growing up... my choice may have been different. Before you declare that you would never do such a thing remember we (humans) are capable of ANY sin. It's ONLY by God's grace that we escape the teeth of some.
I am pro-life. I believe abortion is murder. Sin. However, it is no more a sin than your (my) gossip, embellishment of the truth (lies), bitterness, unforgiveness, envy, impatience, pride, insecurity, self-pity, selfishness. It's all sin and it all reaps anguishing consequences. The protesters outside those doors represented anything but Christ and His love. Maybe they thought they were doing what was right? Desiring to give a voice to the innocent, but their method was wrong. What would happen if we stood outside a clinic and prayed for those women, told them about Jesus' love and gift for them instead of shouting out with judgment? The cross represents Christ's love for all; even the abortion doctor. Every person has value to Him no matter what choices they have made. What would happen if we...if I... loved like that?
If you think what I'm saying is crazy don't forget that God loved us (you) when we were still sinners. It wasn't after we changed our mind, cleaned ourselves up and repented, but while we were still His enemies His unrelenting love drove Him to the cross.
Seventeen years later those hateful words still have an impact. Words are powerful. As Christians we have the opportunity to wield them in such a way that brings life and freedom, or we can use them to destroy. Next time you have the opportunity to love like Jesus or condemn what will you choose?
Maybe you're reading this and you've already had an abortion. Perhaps you're considering that decision now? Maybe your heart is filled with regret? Cloaked in shame. Alone. I want you to know that God loves you! No matter what choices you've made. You never have to be alone. Jesus will forgive. There is always hope, life and freedom with Him!
Until then...
Jessie
Even in the present their vile words reel through my mind. Beads of sweat began to form in my tightly clinched fists. Squirming in my chair... biting my lower lip as an attempt to hold it together. Peering above the Pastor's head as though I was looking at him... knowing if I did I would burst into tears. That was my experience at church this past Sunday. To my relief the Pastor spoke words of love, life and truth NOT condemnation. Healing and refreshing. It was the uninvited memories that had my heart pounding within my chest. Memories that are still very much alive. Memories I do not want to participate in. They were better left forgotten. Yet, here they are... I knew God was telling me to share my story.
I was 16 (just a month shy from my 17th birthday) when I became pregnant. Wanting to confirm that I was expecting I made the trip to Planned Parenthood. I was not there for an abortion. I sat in silence. Terrified. Confused. Alone. Waiting for the test result. The pregnancy was confirmed. In an instant everything changed. My mind began to spin out of control. Within seconds I was pulled into an extremely hot, cramped, dark room where I was "counseled" for what felt like forever. They insisted that having a baby would ruin my life, destroy any chance of happiness, steal my dreams and I would have nothing but a life of poverty. With a sense of urgency they repeatedly tried to sway me. All the while continuing to express how it wasn't a living being -- just a lump of tissue (I was 12 weeks along). I had grown up being taught that abortion was wrong. It was a baby. My baby. Despite their efforts they did not succeed in convincing me to rid myself of this "bothersome inconvenience" as they called it. No. I chose to give my baby a chance. I'm so grateful that God gave me the strength and wisdom to make that choice. On my own...without God and the teaching I had growing up... my choice may have been different. Before you declare that you would never do such a thing remember we (humans) are capable of ANY sin. It's ONLY by God's grace that we escape the teeth of some.
I am pro-life. I believe abortion is murder. Sin. However, it is no more a sin than your (my) gossip, embellishment of the truth (lies), bitterness, unforgiveness, envy, impatience, pride, insecurity, self-pity, selfishness. It's all sin and it all reaps anguishing consequences. The protesters outside those doors represented anything but Christ and His love. Maybe they thought they were doing what was right? Desiring to give a voice to the innocent, but their method was wrong. What would happen if we stood outside a clinic and prayed for those women, told them about Jesus' love and gift for them instead of shouting out with judgment? The cross represents Christ's love for all; even the abortion doctor. Every person has value to Him no matter what choices they have made. What would happen if we...if I... loved like that?
If you think what I'm saying is crazy don't forget that God loved us (you) when we were still sinners. It wasn't after we changed our mind, cleaned ourselves up and repented, but while we were still His enemies His unrelenting love drove Him to the cross.
Seventeen years later those hateful words still have an impact. Words are powerful. As Christians we have the opportunity to wield them in such a way that brings life and freedom, or we can use them to destroy. Next time you have the opportunity to love like Jesus or condemn what will you choose?
Maybe you're reading this and you've already had an abortion. Perhaps you're considering that decision now? Maybe your heart is filled with regret? Cloaked in shame. Alone. I want you to know that God loves you! No matter what choices you've made. You never have to be alone. Jesus will forgive. There is always hope, life and freedom with Him!
Until then...
Jessie
Well written, my friend! What an awesome Savior we take refuge in!! Thanks for sharing, in writing, the depth of His work in your heart!!!
ReplyDeleteKarla :-)
This posted touched my heart in so many ways. Thank you for writing it. Very gripping but in an eye-opening good sort of way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Jess.
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this! So many people I know need to read this! Your testimony is incredible and so special to me. You have no idea! Thank you for sharing your heart... I pray that someone who needs this will find it.. be encouraged.. and maybe it will save a life.. or more then one of girls who are alone and scared of an unplanned pregnancy. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteYou continue to amaze and bless me. The one thing that has always stood out to me with you and you just confirmed it again, is that God is real and alive to you and He lives in you. I love you even more, thank you for sharing so honestly and openly. Thank you for stepping on toes and for being bold. You truly are a woman after God's heart. I love you and count it an honour to know you.
ReplyDeleteHey Jessie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing from your heart and for reminding us to be loving and understanding when reaching out to others; we never know what they may be going through. I'm thankful for your friendship and for your testimony of how God can use any circumstance for His glory. Blessings to you and yours.