Raindrops

Once again death has come to steal a precious soul.  We received the news earlier this week.  Knowing there wasn't much time left.. didn't make the realization any easier to accept.  He was a man of integrity and strength.  Honorable, compassionate, wise, and authentic would all be words to describe who he was.  He was our Sunday School teacher years ago.  The first time we met he made a wise crack that would serve to embarrass him for years.  At a time my marriage was falling apart he taught me much (though I never shared with him or his family what was happening... he somehow knew) and I will be forever grateful.     

He fought hard.  Only in his forties... leaving behind a wife and two children it doesn't seem fair.  It was about 8 months ago when my chat box on Facebook popped up.  We hadn't seen him for awhile.  Now his only hope was to find a bone marrow match.  My heart sank.  He was so young; the epitome of health (a body builder).  At that time I was battling my own illness.  Honestly, I thought it would be my funeral people would attend... not his.  God healed me...but not my friend.  Why?  I know the answer...I still have work to do.. his was finished... but my heart still whispers.. why?  He didn't deserve to suffer.  His family didn't deserve to lose him.  The world isn't better with him gone.

Sunday many will attend his funeral.  The shell of who he was will be buried; returning to the ground it came from.  We will rejoice that he is in Heaven and we will say goodbye for now.  Tears will be shed.  Words of sorrow will be spoken.  Our hearts will be saddened...lives will be forever changed.  We have memories...maybe a few regrets.  Some will choose to learn from his loss.  Others will choose to become bitter.  

Truth is, I don't know why God wanted him now.  I don't understand why many things happen.  All I know is life is hard and not one of us can walk the road alone.  The last two weeks have served as my reminder.  I have seen the incredible outpouring of love and grief as a dear one is taken long before what we would consider their time.  I have seen how one rises up in anger.  Spewing hateful words that wound then allowing God to soften their heart and ask forgiveness.. restoring the relationship.  I have also seen those that dig their heels in with all their might... to stand upon their pride and be right.  

I don't have an agenda for this blog.  I simply write what my journey takes me through.  Hoping my victories and failures will touch your heart and serve you in some way.  I wrote a post last week entitled "I Guess It Was Time".  It was meant to encourage all of you.  To remind you that when trials and opposition come cling to the unfailing promises of God and never give up!  It was also written as a reminder for myself.  I KNOW all of these things to be true... but I'm also human.  Some days are just really difficult.  My heart becomes heavy.  I have questions.  Doubts.  Fears.  I get exhausted and discouraged.  I don't have super faith.  But that's OK.  It was never about how strong my faith is.. rather who my faith and trust is in.  I'm just a simple girl trying to please God the best I can.  Failing much of the time.  I'm so grateful He always picks me up!  So, I guess my message today would simply be to remember your blessings... even in the midst of storms.  You may have to look a bit harder for them but they're there.  I pray peace for all of you and would appreciate your prayers for Mike's family.

A few things I was blessed with this week:

• Spring is here
• Chirping birds outside my window pane
• Tulips and daffodils are popping up with new life
• My family and I are healthy and safe
• A husband who stands up to protect me
• Hugs and kisses from my children
• Audrey's tiny hands wiping the tears from my face
• Dear friends that love me despite all my failures
• Mercies in disguise
• Jesus is my best friend - and even if everything around me crumbles I can crawl into His lap... weep.. and be held.

 

Until then...
Jessie