Rise and Swine

For those that are struggling to hold on today... Until then... Jessie

God always answers our prayers...perhaps not the way we would like...maybe not in our time...but there is always an answer. Many of you know that our oldest daughter Ally has been struggling with her faith for some time now.  She was angry.  Angry with Christians.  She was hurt by what she saw...and to be honest... I can't blame her.  What she saw was ugly.  As her eyes witnessed more and more she decided there was no God.  You get one life. Then you die. So live it up. Was her motto.  It was difficult to watch her walk through this journey.  Many times I wanted to step in...control...but I knew it had to be her choice... not mine.  As a family we cried out to God.  He was relentless in His pursuit but her heart hardened more.  We kept praying This past week had been a long one filled with pressures, stress and drama.  My husband and I...well...we got into a BIG fight.  You know - the kind where you want to reach out and touch someone - touch them by ringing their scra

Weary, I wrestle with the memories that invade the black.  I wait anxiously for the break of dawn...but the seconds are unending.  The darkness that smothers, I drowned out with noise, distractions, busyness.  Is this why I have a difficult time being still before my God? Before my heart reaches His I must be still...but being still means walking through the memories - the pain.  I make my way to the family room.  I sit alone.  Tired of feeling - feeling nothing and yet consumed with an ache that penetrates deep into my bones.  Reaching for the memories, I slowly crack open the tattered pages of the album.  I'm instantly surrounded with memories of laughter, memories of terror, memories forgotten and buried until...always forgotten until...     I touch the pages as if they are sacred.  Running my fingers over their faces, outlining each detail as if their flesh was before me.  Some have made their way into eternity.  Others have willfully closed the door of their hearts but all

Oh how I've missed you, friend!  I thought you were gone forever.  I didn't understand.  We were so close...everywhere I went you went too.  Every emotion I felt you echoed.  You never failed me...in fact when I had no voice you spoke for me.  After all we've shared...then you were gone.  No notice.  No explanation.  You can't imagine my delight when you appeared in my living room!  Even my husband could see my beaming grin.  Although, I do have to admit my children were less than thrilled to see you again.  That's OK.  I'm ecstatic to have you back! Now, I finally understand why you disappeared for so many years.  Once you entered our home again my children confessed to their evil deeds and to think all this time you were buried in the back yard!  The thought sends shivers down my spine.  What kind of person would do such a thing?  My children look so angelic...to think they have such a sinister streak is disturbing.  Now I have you back...rest assured I will

It seems like yesterday... I can still remember the moment his bare skin pressed against my chest.  With limbs too exhausted to move - still they found their way to envelope this tiny gift.  "Hi baby, I'm your mom."  With the sound of my voice his face turned to meet mine.  Deep, genuine eyes peered into my soul.  Doctors rushed about as I lay on the table, life draining from my veins, but the atmosphere did not speak of the danger lurking.  For just a moment... as that little guy locked me into his gaze.. all was perfect...Heaven met us both... and in our own world two hearts melted into one.   The room was quiet.  Doctors, family and friends had finally left us alone.  This was the moment I had been waiting for.  Yet I was terrified - terrified that I would fail him.  In silence I sat, fixated on the clear plastic basket that held my heart.  My breath heaved heavy as I picked him up.  Snuggling him between my legs I began to unwind the unending twirl of fleece that

I have AWESOME news!!!  All the medical tests have been completed and the results are in.  NO cancer!!!  The ultrasound did show what the problem has been.  Thankfully it can be corrected.  I can not tell you how much your comments, emails and prayers have meant to me.  Thank you all SO much!  If I'm going to be honest...I was afraid... and after I knew they found something on the ultrasound I dug my feet in and refused to proceed for a bit.  It was your encouragement and accountability that helped me push forward and God comforted me each step of the way.  The funny thing was my doctor was completely baffled.  Apparently women who are diagnosed with what I have are not supposed to be able to have children.  She kept saying "I'm not God, but I just don't know how all your children are here."  Haha =)  God is so good!  I've always known my kids were a gift but knowing what a medical miracle it is for them to be here makes me even more grateful. Soon I hope