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Wake Up

I only have one hour.  I know this...only one hour of quiet while I wait for her ballet lesson to get over.  The blank page stares back at me with the same emptiness that has seized my mind.  In less than 48 hours I'll be speaking to a room full of teen girls.  Hurting girls.  My session: The lies we believe and the TRUTH of God.  I have nothing.  Nothing.  Not one word.  It's not that I don't understand the topic.  It's that I understand it all too well.  I've believed more of  Satan's lies than I would ever care to admit.  My mind is spinning.  I'm exhausted but most of all...I'm fearful.

Fear of public speaking?  No.  I LOVE speaking and teaching...it's what God has called me to do...I know this without any doubt.  The problem is I've allowed myself to be intimidated about teaching.  I know the words spoken were lies, still a few of those lies took up residence within my heart.  Now I'm scared.  Funny how God works - I'm speaking about uncovering lies and holding onto truth.  And here I am uncovering lies.  That's what I love most about speaking/teaching...I'm always the first to be taught.

Underneath the maple, in this one hour of silence, I have this conversation with God.  I have nothing...if He doesn't show up I'm in trouble.  I know I can't do this on my own.  Ink begins to scrawl upon the page and moments later I'm finished.  I know what God wants me to tell them. 

The rest of the hour I sit back in my seat and think of the instruments that have been used to get me here.  The last few years have been tough, but Jesus has been in relentless pursuit of my heart and He has used many of you to speak into my life.  I'm not even sure if you know what an impact you've made but I want to say thank you.

Thank you, mom for being my constant encourager and loving me unconditionally.

Karla, Jaya, Michelle, Jennifer, Trish, Lois, Erika, Tresa and Karen each one of you, has either provided an opportunity, encouraged or spoken truth that sometimes was not easy.  I didn't always like hearing what you had to say.  To be honest, most of the time I would have preferred laying under the blanket of self pity.  Yet you were faithful to be my friends and speak into my heart.

To my daughter Ally, thank you for being honest and caring enough to tell me to knock it off and do what God has called me to do.  Your words hit deepest.  You are one of my most precious gifts...I love you more than you will ever understand.

To my best friend, my husband, you know my heart more than any other...still....you believe in me.  Still... you tell me to go.  You've always encouraged me to use the gifts God has given me.  Your support means so much!  I love you!

Again thank you!  Please keep praying for me, the other speakers and group leaders and all the girls.  There will be victory in many lives this weekend...chains have broken from my feet already.  And know that even though God has chosen my mouth to do the speaking this time, the rewards are yours as well.

Time is short.  Maybe, you've been stuck like me.  Wake up.  Get up.  Go.  Do what God has called you to do!

Until then...
Jessie
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Comments

  1. KKHOctober 12, 2012 at 6:06 AM

    I love you Jessie! Can't wait to hear what God does!! I'll be praying :-)

    ReplyDelete

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