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Do You Need An Exterminator

It was my Thirtieth birthday and my mom wanted to take me out for a night on the town.  After hours of shoe shopping we had worked up some hearty appetites.  So, with bags in hand we made our way to our favorite little Mexican restaurant.  We shared those belly laughs while enjoying every bite. Until...my mom poked at her tostada.  Out from under a ribbon of lettuce a nasty umber colored critter scurried frantically across the table straight towards me!  Immediately my mom began to gag and I shrieked shoving my chair back as if I were being attacked by the creature.  Stunned.  We both watched in horror as our server, void of any emotion, picked up my ice tea and smashed the varmint with the bottom of the glass.  Quietly we sat for a moment until the reality of what just happened washed over us.  Looking up I took one glance at our servers stoic face and erupted with laughter.  Seriously.  At that point what else is there to do.  Needless to say we didn't have to pay for our meal and we never returned.

I wonder...how many times we appear all cleaned up and pretty on the outside...maybe even super spiritual...perhaps we have a great reputation with others...but if we...if I...allowed God to move things around and turn on all the lights of my heart how many roaches would scurry about desperately trying to shrink back into the darkness.

It's so easy to be deceived about my own heart unless I keep the light of His word constantly before me.

This week I was reminded of truth.

I wrote a post last week.  As soon as I hit publish I knew I shouldn't have.  I was angry.  Hurt.  I was being self-righteous and I didn't care.  Others who read it may not have picked up on it.  After all it was a simple story to illustrate a point and nothing I wrote was untrue...but my attitude about the situation person...it was a roach.

For a few days I mulled it over.  The weekend had been filled with distractions but finally the house was still.  Just me and that little one were awake.  While rocking her in the wee hours Jesus grabbed my heart.  I know everything you have ever done.  Everything you have ever thought.  Still I love you.  I bless you.  I gave you that little one in your arms.  I give you mercy and forgiveness.  When are you going to do the same for them?  How long will you make them wait?  When will you do as I commanded...and love?

Recently they had ask forgiveness... for all they are...for all they have been.

BUT

My heart - has been hard.  I didn't want to let them in.  I wanted to protect myself.

I was wrong.

I don't know their heart.  They may be lying.  I'm sure they will hurt me again...they're human.  What I do know - if I do what is right it really doesn't matter what they do because God has my back.  However, if I allow my heart to become cold...if I allow it to be filled with pride and self-righteousness I'll pay the cost.

So... I rewrote the post with what should have been written to begin with. 

Because everyday we all fight our own demons and we're all in need of grace.

Until then
Jessie




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