She strolled beneath the cherry blossoms.
Marveled at their beauty and remembered...
On a cool April eve, her arm stretched slow across the table to pull plastic off brownies. When the words poured out "I like your tattoo. Does it have a special meaning?" That familiar lump formed in her throat. "Yes, it does...it's a long story...maybe I'll tell you about it someday."
Someday.
If she got up enough nerve to pull the plastic off herself.
It was a cool April morn, ten years before, that marked the reason for the ink upon her wrist.
A beautiful spring day filled with life and promise but she didn't...couldn't... see it. She let the words escape that morning "I don't want to live...not even for five more minutes."
Her heart had been broken countless times before but each time she would bend down...pick up the shattered pieces and put it back together. It never was the same of course. Pieces missing here and there but overall it held.
She was fiercely independent.
But
This - this was different. Her heart had not been broken into pieces. It had been crushed into dust.
There was nothing left to pick up.
Finally, she had come to the end of herself.
With the breeze sweeping through her hair... rays of sunshine poured upon her face as she picked up the broken glass that dusted the rooftop. The enemy whispered. Convinced her they would all be better without her and the pain could end...end in a matter of minutes. Holding a large shard she took a breath and pressed it against her flesh.
That's when she heard it.
His voice.
"Look through the pane."
Legos.
Her children were sprawled about on the floor playing legos. Laughing.
She could finally see.
Look through the pain.
Trust God enough to surrender and do what he ask of her...what she didn't want to do.
He was God.
She was not.
And she had fought him long enough.
She had been given more than she could ever carry. Her only way through was to lean into Him and be carried.
Dropping the jagged glass she wept. For the first time since her life shattered...she wept. Uncontrollably. Unhindered.
On her knees she screamed...begged for another way...pleaded for His help. Honestly, she couldn't tell you the words she spoke but it was the most honest conversation she had ever had with God or anyone.
Jesus.
He met her that day on a rooftop. Not as her savior. She had trusted him for that years before but as her Father. He spoke the words her soul had longed to hear and wrapped her in His peace. To this day she doesn't know if anyone else could have heard His voice but every word was so clearly spoken to her heart. Heaven was audibly for her that day.
As she stood to her feet a smile spread her face. Hanging in the sky she gazed upon the most magnificent double rainbow. No rain in sight...only His promise.
His promise.
She would be held. He had her back.
Now inked upon that vein the enemy sought to drain, sits a dragonfly.
A reminder to drowned out the ugly.
And when she sits upon that roof and prays...dragonflies buzz around her and she remembers that day...the day that God gathered the dust and blew life into her heart.
And she falls in love with Jesus all over again.
Until then...
Jessie
Marveled at their beauty and remembered...
On a cool April eve, her arm stretched slow across the table to pull plastic off brownies. When the words poured out "I like your tattoo. Does it have a special meaning?" That familiar lump formed in her throat. "Yes, it does...it's a long story...maybe I'll tell you about it someday."
Someday.
If she got up enough nerve to pull the plastic off herself.
It was a cool April morn, ten years before, that marked the reason for the ink upon her wrist.
A beautiful spring day filled with life and promise but she didn't...couldn't... see it. She let the words escape that morning "I don't want to live...not even for five more minutes."
Her heart had been broken countless times before but each time she would bend down...pick up the shattered pieces and put it back together. It never was the same of course. Pieces missing here and there but overall it held.
She was fiercely independent.
But
This - this was different. Her heart had not been broken into pieces. It had been crushed into dust.
There was nothing left to pick up.
Finally, she had come to the end of herself.
With the breeze sweeping through her hair... rays of sunshine poured upon her face as she picked up the broken glass that dusted the rooftop. The enemy whispered. Convinced her they would all be better without her and the pain could end...end in a matter of minutes. Holding a large shard she took a breath and pressed it against her flesh.
That's when she heard it.
His voice.
"Look through the pane."
Legos.
Her children were sprawled about on the floor playing legos. Laughing.
She could finally see.
Look through the pain.
Trust God enough to surrender and do what he ask of her...what she didn't want to do.
He was God.
She was not.
And she had fought him long enough.
She had been given more than she could ever carry. Her only way through was to lean into Him and be carried.
Dropping the jagged glass she wept. For the first time since her life shattered...she wept. Uncontrollably. Unhindered.
On her knees she screamed...begged for another way...pleaded for His help. Honestly, she couldn't tell you the words she spoke but it was the most honest conversation she had ever had with God or anyone.
Jesus.
He met her that day on a rooftop. Not as her savior. She had trusted him for that years before but as her Father. He spoke the words her soul had longed to hear and wrapped her in His peace. To this day she doesn't know if anyone else could have heard His voice but every word was so clearly spoken to her heart. Heaven was audibly for her that day.
As she stood to her feet a smile spread her face. Hanging in the sky she gazed upon the most magnificent double rainbow. No rain in sight...only His promise.
His promise.
She would be held. He had her back.
Now inked upon that vein the enemy sought to drain, sits a dragonfly.
A reminder to drowned out the ugly.
And when she sits upon that roof and prays...dragonflies buzz around her and she remembers that day...the day that God gathered the dust and blew life into her heart.
And she falls in love with Jesus all over again.
Until then...
Jessie
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