Skip to main content

That Tall One

He's eighteen.

It was just a moment ago that he was my sweet, chubby, curly-crowned toddler.

Clutching tightly to the hem of my dress he followed my every step. All day. Every. Day. More times than I can count I've placed him in that sink to scrub away the dirt...reached out to grab hold of another love bouquet...glued together the bread necklace that kept losing pieces - I wore it proudly anytime I went out. I've cleaned up cheese and Oreos he left in the most unexpected places. Watched the thrill spread his face as he opened a box of tap lights...learned to ride a unicycle...got his license. I've grabbed on for dear life as he spun me around country roads in a yellow truck named Buttermilk...and I've listened to that singing Billy Bass until I knew I was going to be committed. He's always been the one who found joy in the peculiar. Always the one who got me - and made me roar with laughter. We're so much alike and yet very different.

Now we're here.
It's been a long while since I've hugged a soft boy that swept my chin. For many years he has towered over me and when his arms wrap my frame I get a bit lost. Still - I wanted to believe there was time.

As I lay between the cotton, the eve before his birthday, memories flood my thoughts. I try to pin down when it was exactly - the moment he went from a boy to a man.

He was eight.

He ask for Cherry Cheesecake instead of a birthday cake. That is when it began. He started making my coffee every morning. He was growing up but where we are presently seemed so far in the distance. Time went so fast - too fast.

Change. It's a constant in life.

Reality hits hard the day after he blew out candles. It's Sunday. I'm sitting on the couch. Sick.  Holding my youngest babe when his words spin like a whirlwind. At the end, I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz but my heart feels like the wicked witch the house fell upon. Crushed.

He wants to move to Kansas...buy some land and a fixer upper. The thought of him leaving hurts.  Not seeing his smiling face or hearing "my pleasure." everyday...hurts. Yet, at the same time I couldn't be more proud of him.

I understand it won't be long until he leaves and his younger brother trails close behind. That's what they're supposed to do. I'm preparing my heart.

They were never mine to begin with.  I remind myself to trust God because He loves them even more than I.  I can't wait to see how the story unfolds and I want him to go if this is the plan God has.

But it's not easy.
It's honestly the hardest part of parenting.

He shows me the houses he's been spying and then walks to his room to take a nap.
I hold that youngest babe a bit longer...it won't be long until it's their time to leave too.

Until then...
Jessie

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Invisible Monster

May 23, 2020, I woke to a miracle surrounding a loved one. Later, I sat in the gardens watching butterflies perch upon lavender lilacs while my Sweet Shalom giggled and chased after them. It had been a perfect day. The air was warm, but the skies overcast like a storm was about to roll in.   Life changes quickly...    The message flashed on the screen.        Wait - he's gone? Dear...I don't know what to call you, I've always wondered, with the slamming of the prison door, did you know what your choices would cost your children? Did you care?  My grandpa knew you as a kid. He was your pastor, said your parents were good people. He said you were a good kid too, but somewhere along the journey you lost your way.    You lost your way... and I was one of many that paid for your choices.      One of my last visits with you left me with a shoulder injury. The physical pain is a reminder that children should never have to v...
Post a Comment
Read more

Resurrection Cookies

I wanted to share this with y'all.  I'm not sure where this recipe/idea originated from, but a friend gave it to me many years ago.  Thanks, Mary!  Since that time it's something I've done with our children every year.  Part of our Easter celebration they look forward to - and while they're having fun cooking with mom they're also learning about the cost Jesus paid to give us the gift of salvation.  I'm sure many of you have made these before but I wanted to share for those that hadn't.  Hope y'all enjoy! Resurrection Cookies: To be made on the evening before Easter. 1 Cup whole pecans 1 tsp. vinegar 3 egg whites  pinch of salt 1 cup sugar zipper baggie wooden spoon tape Bible Preheat oven to 300 (this is important- don't wait until you're half done with the recipe). Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.  Explain that after Jesus was arr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pesky Willow

I glanced over to see where the rasping sound was coming from only to find her wee fingers entwined within the willow.  Her Moses basket is her safe place if she's not in someones arms.  It's her comfort and security, except for the braided trunk that curves with a mind of it's own.  Somehow her hand found it's loop.  Although she hates the texture she continues to grab hold and fight with it.  Exhausting herself.  Still - she fights.  She won't win.  The handle isn't going anywhere.  Eventually I turn her the other direction where she can no longer see it.  Still - it won't be long until her arm rubs against it's rough texture.  Then the fight will begin again. I do the same thing at times.  No.  I don't fight with the handle of a basket.  I fight against circumstances, people, the past, regrets...myself.  I don't like the way it makes me feel.  Yet I keep grabbing hold and wrestling.  Exhausting ...
Post a Comment
Read more