Lessons

 Most days I love the life we've chosen and I am abundantly grateful for all God has given us. But there are moments I detest. Last week was one of those times. We left to run some errands one afternoon and when we got home our favorite ewe was down. We worked vigorously to save her, but she didn't make it. Knowing she was going to lamb any day we turned our attention to try to save her babies. I did a C-section and pulled out two perfectly formed, adorable, lifeless lambs. We tried to revive them - to no avail. In these moments you face your own mortality and remember how sacred life is. I scrambled for words to explain to little ones why we were soaked in blood, while lifeless lambs lay in the tub, and Betty laid dead in the barn. It's a time of sadness, reflection, and it humbles. I should have checked on her more often. If we had been home and gone out to the barn sooner maybe we could have helped her in time? Questions spin: If I had only...more knowledge...done better...not hesitated taking the lambs...  

I can't help but feel responsible. 

We've had livestock for many years now. However, I have to remember this lifestyle has a steep learning curve and even when you do everything right there is more loss than most understand. If truly embraced it's a lifestyle that forces one to slow, live by seasons, work hard, face your fears, insecurities, and failures. When knocked down you draw on that inner grit get back up and do it all over again... and again...and again. With each failure you learn, and grow, and hopefully do better next time. Most of all, it keeps you humble knowing that no matter how hard you work, plan, or think you're in control - you never are. Months of planning and planting crops or gardens can be wiped away in seconds from a strong storm. Everything you toil for can be gone in a moment. We are called to be good stewards of what has been entrusted to us but it is God that is in control of the outcome and that is ever before our face. Don't get me wrong. It's good...it's our duty...to plan, work hard, do everything with excellence, staying faithful. But we do these things because they are right not necessarily with the expectation of a certain outcome. It's the same with the Christian life. We have a playbook for how to live our lives. Jesus gave us an example with his own. If we live by faith and obedience we will never be alone...God will provide for our needs...everything will work out for our good. Still, if we walk in light we will suffer in many ways.

If we raise our children to know and love Jesus they may grow up and turn their backs on everything they were taught. 

We teach them anyway. 

If we are kind we may be taken advantage of. 

We choose to be kind anyway.  

If we give our best in a marriage it still may end in divorce. 

We give and love anyway. 

We may work hard and diligently only to be fired. 

We do our job with excellence anyway. 

We hold to our convictions and truth no matter the cost. 

We don't choose to be good stewards because of the earthly rewards and outcomes we do it because it's right...it's how we've been commanded to live and we know that in the end all things will be made right. Justice will prevail. All tears will be wiped away. So, if today you feel weary in good doing, hopeless with things that surround, look up and remember where your help comes from and who is in charge of everything...always.

Until then...   

Jessie