Rise and Swine

I've stretched my arms to receive that freshly born babe, 6 times over now.  One may think it would become routine, but the miracle of new life always overwhelms.  Even with 6 - each one is your favorite.  Each one is what makes everyday worth waking.  Each one can... and probably will... shred your heart.  Only God knows how a mothers' heart can rejoice as one takes their first breath...while at the same moment...lament over the one who's stumbling through the darkness. Weeks ago our bouncy baby arrived.  As I gazed into those deep blues I remembered staring into the eyes of my first.  He's 19 now, but he's still my baby.  I remember the dreams I had of me being the perfect mother.  Him...them...being the perfect children.  Then - then I failed more times than I can count.  I've learned there are no perfect mothers...least of all me....

One month of pure joy!!! =) Until then... Jessie

It's about time! IT'S A BOY!!!     Malakai James Lutz 7 pounds 14 ounces 20 inches     Until then... Jessie 

"Please.  Oh, please come out baby...I just want to see you!"  This has been the resounding chorus of my sassy 7 year old.  With the last three babies coming early we all expected to welcome this little one weeks ago.  Day after day has rolled by and now I find myself 8 days overdue.  Never has this happened before.  The time has come...I'll be induced tonight...hopefully by this time tomorrow we will be holding a baby!!! Let me just say, being 8 days overdue means everyone stares at me like I'm some kind of explosive devise ready to be detonated at any given moment! =)  With the sweltering heat I am more than ready to meet this little one...yet there is a part of me that is treasuring every moment.  Being pregnant is one of the greatest miracles and I always miss it when it's over.  As the days rolled by and the heat continued to rise doing much of anything had become more of a challenge.  Dis...

It's funny how life can change things up so quickly. I'm a planner.  Anyone who knows me knows this.  So, when things suddenly change it throws me for a loop.  I've learned to adjust and adapt quickly... but for a few moments... it can be stressful!  That's what happened today.  I knew the day was going to be full.  Honestly, the last month has been full of appointments, washing and putting away baby clothes, painting the nursery, cooking freezer meals for my recovery time, grocery shopping for the next 3 months and getting the house in order to meet our new little one.  I'm exhausted.  Still, I have things that must be done.  We started off early with a trip to our friendly Orthodontist.  Next on the list was our final ultrasound.  I had a few minutes so I headed to Hobby Lobby to pick up the last needed items for the nursery.  I found everything on my list (in the cutest shade ...

For some Mother's Day is a day of celebration. For others it brings great sorrow.  There are those who have begged God for a child yet their arms remain empty.  Those who have had a life swell within...only for it to be ripped away too early.  Those who have hope... awaiting anxiously...only to suffer through a failed adoption.  My heart aches for you...some of these I've experienced myself.  There are those who are blessed with children either through the seed of their womb or through the gift of another...yet they feel like a failure more often than they feel like anything else.  I understand.  I've been there many times myself. There are those who starve for a mothers' embrace and tender love. It can be a hard day.  Especially if we lose perspective. So, where ever you find yourself this Mother's Day.  I want to challenge you. I hope to encourage you. To the brokenhearted who ...

Schools done...dinner is simmering away in the crockpot...wet flakes are fallin'...kids are tucked snug in their beds...and aside from the whirl of the washer the house is silent.  I think I may take advantage of this awkward silence and tuck myself beneath the warm covers.  Sickness doesn't visit our household often but when it does it seems to hit everyone at once.  That's when it's time to break out the natural remedies so we can get back to enjoying life.  When someone is showing signs of sickness the first thing we do is eliminate ALL sugar and juice like crazy (although that didn't happen this time).  If that doesn't work, it's time to bring out the cold kicker.  As soon as that mysterious jar is pulled from the back of the fridge a miracle takes place. Suddenly, everyone is well and they all run quickly from the room!  I must admit:  It. Is.   NASTY. ...

One writes me - her heart aches as she looks into the precious face of her injured child only to see marks of imperfection... A friend sobs - Her marriage broken.  Desperately grasping at pieces but her dreams are shattered... A father, filled with regret - still too fearful...too proud... to open his heart and restore the relationship with his son... A mother, weeps for the baby ripped from her womb...now cradled within the dirt.  Another kisses her child's coffin after he pushed a shotgun to his head... I listen...I weep...no words.  Wounds.  Deep, bleeding wounds. In time they will become scars. ALL humanity has been broken. Some carry scars on the outside, others are imprinted upon the heart.  They're ugly.  We hide them the best we can.  Why?  Why do we hide behind a phony mask - pretend they don't exist?  Why do we view the scars of life as something bad?  Perhaps, we think they show weakness...failure. We want perf...

With a family of seven there are many debates.  Each member having their own personality and opinions.  So you can imagine what occurred when it was time to choose a name for our new little one.  After many months of discussion the list was narrowed down...just in time! Once again we all piled into the cramped room with great anticipation.  Immediately the doctors began checking for all the things they were unable to see last time.  They had some concerns with the last ultrasound: The baby was measuring unusually small and many organs were not visible.  The weeks that followed had also brought some concern with my blood pressure dropping dangerously low and a few other complications.  Honestly, the last few weeks have been a challenge.  I was worried.  Fearful.  Trying to trust God...but not doing well.  I was reminded by a wise man that such things are beyond my control.  I cannot add one moment to this baby's life....

Well, we had the ultrasound yesterday!  All seven of us piled into a room anxiously awaiting the gender reveal.  For the first time ever the doctors were unable to let us know.  Everyone was so disappointed.  They tried and tried but the baby refused to let us get a peek.  I'm scheduled for another ultrasound the end of March...maybe I'll have news for you all then.  Until then... Jessie

  ~My handsome man~ ~Grandma with her children ~ ~Grandma with her grandchildren~   ~Family~ Tears for a life lived well Goodbye...for now ~Going h ome...   The best place in the world~ Until then... Jessie

These next few months are going to be interesting... In 11 days we find out if we're having a boy or a girl!  Everyone is SOOOOOO excited!!! My husband's company has gone live in Canada, so he will be there most of February and March. =(  I'm excited for him though.  He had never been to Canada before and now he will get to tour the country end to end.  Thankfully, we survived the first week of him being gone and we will have him home for a bit before he leaves again. Friday afternoon we received the news that my his grandfather had passed away.  So, tomorrow morning we will head on out to South Dakota for the funeral.  Please pray for our safe travel, for my husband and the rest of his family during this time.  My mom will be staying at our house with the kids so please keep her in your prayers too. Until then... Jessie

When the giants of life seem too big and fear surrounds...remember... if God is for you nothing can be against you.  Be fearless and do what He has called you to do. Until then... Jessie

Hey there !  I know it's been forever.  Many of you have ask how I'm doing so I wanted to give a quick update.  I really haven't dropped off the face of the earth but time does fly when your havin' fun!  Our family had a wonderful holiday season but I have to admit I couldn't wait to start the new year.  As soon as Christmas had passed I tore down the festive decor and began to declutter.  I guess my nesting instincts have already kicked in. =)  I've been going room to room organizing, deep cleaning and driving my family crazy.  I figure by the time Spring blows in I'll be too big to climb ladders and such...so I better get my house in order now. The nursery is coming along.  At first, my hubby was going to move his office to Audrey's play house so we could use the spare room for a nursery.  The space would have worked very well.  However, Audrey still loves to play out there so I decided it would be best for her to share a room w...

Until then... Jessie

Pulling the door closed, I had stepped out of the comforts of my home into the chilly night.  The journey ahead unclear.  I drove for what seemed an eternity still with many miles ahead.  The path was dark. The crescent shimmer suspended in the black, lit only a few steps before me.  Looking closer at the night light - I could see the outline of it's whole but it had been eclipsed in darkness...all but this one sliver.  There was one...many steps ahead...and one... many steps behind but in the middle of this stretch it was only me. Alone. I began to sing.  Sing out at the top of my lungs. Peace settled my heart. I understand this physical journey is parallel to my spiritual one.  This path He has ask me to walk has not been easy.  Unclear at times with only enough light for the next step. Sometimes not even that. Darkness. Pure darkness that required a step of faith. He always caught me. In Him I've become whole.  Yet, darkn...

I only have one hour.  I know this...only one hour of quiet while I wait for her ballet lesson to get over.  The blank page stares back at me with the same emptiness that has seized my mind.  In less than 48 hours I'll be speaking to a room full of teen girls.  Hurting girls.  My session: The lies we believe and the TRUTH of God.  I have nothing.  Nothing.  Not one word.  It's not that I don't understand the topic.  It's that I understand it all too well.  I've believed more of  Satan's lies than I would ever care to admit.  My mind is spinning.  I'm exhausted but most of all...I'm fearful. Fear of public speaking?  No.  I LOVE speaking and teaching...it's what God has called me to do...I know this without any doubt.  The problem is I've allowed myself to be intimidated about teaching.  I know the words spoken were lies, still a few of those lies took up residence within my heart.  Now I'm s...

 Hey y'all!  This post is soooo late but I had a bit of trouble the last week of September.  I kinda.. almost.. passed out in the freezer section at the store.  My husband and kids insisted I go to the doctor the following day and sure enough, I was in trouble.  My blood pressure decided to go crazy on me.  I'm doing better now.  The EKG was normal, I can see, no more nose bleeds and my head doesn't feel like it's going to explode.   Thank you to all those who have been praying!  I'm on medication now and it's helping...but my pressure is still really high.  I'm still very dizzy and feeling out there so driving and standing are difficult sometimes. However, this weekend I'm supposed to be speaking at a youth conference in Colorado Springs.  I LOVE speaking to youth because they're usually more honest than adults and we can just get down to business.  I've been really excited about it for the last month...then all this happen...

 How are all of you?  We've been canning and canning and more canning at the Lutz farm but in just a few days we should be done.  =) Woohoooo!  I can't wait to just sit back, relax and enjoy this fall season...it's my favorite time of year you know.  Even with all the busyness that surrounds we've been enjoying life though.  My most treasured gift this week, was celebrating my baby girl's birthday!  I can't believe she's already 7!  Time slips by so quickly...doesn't it?  A moment is just a moment...then it's gone forever.  I know we're entering in upon the holiday season and very soon life will be full of craziness.  I just want to encourage you - don't forget to slow down, take time to breathe, remember what...or who... is REALLY important.  Enjoy life...you only get one chance. 3 Gifts Ugly - Beautiful  Fighting with my husband Being wrong Words that sting A Gift Fixed, Folded, Freckled Restored rel...

Good morning everyone!  This post will be short... as I'm still buried under a pile of potatoes! =) Here are my gifts for the week.  Are any of you counting with me???   3 Gifts moving Their tiny feet scurrying about A van that's working again The laughing duck outside our window 3 Hard Eucharisteo Loving my enemies Remembering lessons taught, through betrayal Facing my fears instead of running 3 Gifts in His word The promise of a rainbow He will NEVER leave or forsake me Truth, Freedom, Comfort A Gift Scented, Scrawled, Started The distinct aroma of cow... on the way to ballet =) Words of love Planning for an intense weekend 3 Gifts Drawn Healing for her heart Wisdom from a friend Our dreams 3 Gifts Paired A pumpkin patch, joyful kids, and lots of dirt... all make for a wonderful day 3 gifts shared Many hands...to make the work go faster Stories and laughter Big bear hugs Until then... Jessie